Friday, February 22, 2013

Evil Barbarian Queen- Writing Prompt

An evil barbarian queen has ransacked your kingdom, killed your father, and stole your destined crown. How do you stop her?

Best Responses via Jason Halsted, John Oswald, Carlos De Jesus, Kenichi Kamihara, and Kevin Horn:

"Poison their wells with potions of lust and then unleash a plague of diseased whores on the city. After they've suffered a while burn the city to the ground so the evil queen and those who would not rise against her are punished.

Bet you won't see Disney making an animated movie with that script!" -Jason Halsted (For more on Jason, visit

"Well, the obvious answer is to crush her, see her driven before me, and hear her lamentations!

That having been said, the best way to do that would likely be to gather a band of scrappy underdog adventurers, who can barely work together on a good day, but always manage to pull through in the clutch. After that, it's off to quest after the McGuffin of Problem Solving (+3, +5 vs. Evil Barbarian Queens), sneak into her castle, discover that she's actually a long-lost sister, and then have to kill her anyway, because she's irredeemably evil.

I do like Jason's idea, though."- John Oswald

"How about you point at her and say 'NO, BAD BARBARIAN QUEEN! YOU DON'T KILL PEOPLE AND STEAL KINGDOMS.' Pop her on the nose and send her to her room until she learns her lesson."- Carlos De Jesus

"I am planning a careful sneak attack. Gathering strength and numbers from the remaining survivors. Staying hidden and working to turn people on the inside. To go all in with a frontal attack after how decimated my kingdom is would be suicidal, so I will be biding my time. In a year or three, after sabotaging the queen's plans then I am striking. It's much sweeter to win everything back when the enemy least expects it!"- Kenichi Kamihara

"I would fake my death, and then seek a sorcerer who can change my face. Then i would work my way through the ranks of the guards, become a trusted soldier. Then i would contact the loyalists to the true crown, and stage systematic attacks on their food supplies into the city. Transferring the food to the rebels in a hidden encampment. By doing this, starving out the hoard, the hoard would rebel on the Queen demanding they seek other kingdoms to conquer out of necessity.

Out of desperation, she allows small squads to seek out closer areas to find food and lands to conquer, i would inform the rebels of the routes, ensure there was an ambush and slaughter them, sending their heads and fingers back to the barbainian Queen. After the soldiers see this, i begin rumors that the Queen is no longer fit to rule, and can no longer protect the hoard and it's assets. I work up the rumors, sneak food into the soldiers, the food we've been stealing to increase their morale towards me. Sew seeds of rebellion within the Queens own guard.

Then, when she no longer knows who to trust within her guard, she will have them all ordered killed and start from scratch, which is when i strike, i take the loyalist to the crown and the rebels within her own kingdom and take back the throne using her own men. After i take it over, the rebel barbarians will be allowed to live only if they follow the law of the kingdom and forsake all barbarian ties. I kill the Queen and dismember her, sending one body part to each threat to my kingdom as a warning. You may take us by force, but i will return in kind, and have your own force destroy you."-Kevin Horn

Wow! I am pleasantly surprised by your imaginations. I cannot wait to read more fan responses!- K.N. Lee

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