Free E-Book!! Wisconsin Vamp (Monsters in the Midwest Book 1)

Free E-Book!! Wisconsin Vamp (Monsters in the Midwest Book 1)

"Midwestern nice” is hard to pull off when you’re a bloodthirsty monster. 

Poor Herb isn’t even sure how he got vamped. One day, it's same old, same old. Cooking at Ronnie's, bowling with the guys, drinking at Steinknockers and pining for Lois, the prettiest waitress in Trappersville. The next, things start getting weird. With no one to guide him, Herb fumbles into his newfound abilities, courting disaster with each bumbling step. Sure, there are some perks. The local stripper wants him, he can do this whammy mind-control thing, and he is getting a lot better at bowling. But he can’t drink beer, the bodies are piling up, and his best friend Dallas is getting suspicious. When Herb and Dallas go for the same girl, keeping his dark secret becomes the least of Herb's concerns. 

Booze, billiards, bake sales, babes, bowling, bar fights, blood and karaoke. Who would’ve thought that being undead would make life so interesting?

5.0 out of 5 stars A Fun Entertaining Change-of-Pace Vampire Story August 17, 2014

By Retired Techie

Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

Growing up in Wisconsin and having traversed most of the state, I just had to get Scott Burtness' book. I found his first published book to be quite entertaining. Yes, poor Herb 'accidentally' becomes a vampire after a trip to New Orleans, but not until he is back home at his rambler in the woods sitting outside one morning having his coffee. And not by a vampire biting him.

Odd, quirky... Yes. A story about an accidental vampire learning on his own what the "rules" are being a vampire. No, he can't stand sunlight or 'normal' food, requiring the usual liquid diet. Yes, he is a lot stronger and faster and finds he is really good at pool and bowling (a couple of staples of life up there along with darts). He is just learning and stumbling as he goes, not being sure of what his full abilities and limitations are or might be. The writing just keeps the story moving and the reader wanting to keep reading.

The way it is laid out as a story of discovery is quite well done IMO. Very little of the book delves into the gory side of being a vampire, it is treated more matter-of-fact with the most happening the morning he awakes after he has turned -- but even Scott's handling of the situation is done well. The ending starts out kind of cool, giving you a good feeling, but takes a sharp turn in the last couple of sentences that will leave you with a chuckle and nodding in agreement.

It was also a pleasure to read a book with almost no editing issues -- Thank You Scott and your editor(s).

5.0 out of 5 stars Herb: A Celebration of All Things Average August 29, 2014

By Amy Dingmann

Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

Herb is a celebration of all things average. He's a beer drinking, bowling alley frequenting Wisconsin-ite that cooks at a truck stop and drives a noisy Pinto. Never mind that he gets bitten by a mosquito and turned into a vampire...

Actually scratch that, because turning into a vampire is maybe the best thing that's happened to Herb.

Maybe.

Wisconsin Vamp was a gamble for me for two reasons: a) I don't generally read vampire novels and b) I didn't know even know Horror Comedy was a thing. Thankfully, I ignored points a) and b) and was rewarded with a book that at times, had me laughing so hard I was shaking the bed. Herb is charming (in a non-sparkly vampire way) and has you rooting for him through the whole book.

Besides an engaging storyline, the writing itself is worth pointing out. The clever phrasing, the well thought out word choice, and the crafting of each sentence made me smile (and highlight) many times. Each sentence was like a meal; meaty and rich, full bodied and satisfyingly descriptive, giving you something to chew through to the next sentence, page, chapter, until you were finally through the book.

All in all, a great read. Well developed and humorously written characters, a deeper-than-one-might-assume storyline, and a fabulous cover all combine to make a great book that I'm very glad to have read. I look forward to more books in the Monsters of the Midwest series!

Available on Amazon

Scott Burtness lives in the Midwest with his wife, Liz and their

 boxer-Pitt, Frank. He enjoys beer, bowling, karaoke, reading

 horror and rooting for the underdog. 

Author FB 

Twitter: SWBauthor

Goodreads 

Vampire Books For Blood **Charity Feature & Book Blast**

Author Scott Burtness is supporting the American Red Cross North Central Blood Services by declaring October “Vampire Books for Blood Month.” 

Authors are encouraged to post on the FB page and pledge to donate up to 100% of their Oct. net royalties to the Red Cross.

Blood products are a perishable products and the need is constant to help prevent a shortage and ensure an adequate blood supply for patients. Red blood cells have a shelf life of only 42 days and platelets just five days, so they must be replenished constantly – there is no substitute. On average, must collect 15,000 blood donations every day for patients at about 2,700 hospital and transfusion centers across the country. 

He will donate 100% of his net royalties from October sales of “Wisconsin Vamp” to the Red Cross North Central Blood Services. This donation will help support their blood drives, meet supply needs, deliver blood 24/7, and stay at the top in blood testing in research. Blood and platelets are needed for many different reasons. Accident and burn victims, heart surgery patients, organ transplant patients, and those receiving treatment for leukemia, cancer or sickle cell disease may all need blood.

He is also challenging other vampire and horror book authors to do the same, and support their local chapter of the American Red Cross.

Information about the Red Cross Northern Minnesota Region and North Central Blood Services can be found here:http://www.redcross.org/mn/minneapolis/about

Donations to the American Red Cross can be made here:https://www.redcross.org/donate/index.jsp?donateStep=2&itemId=prod10001&campaignId=3200003&P1=10

*** The American Red Cross name and emblem are used with its permission, which in no way constitutes an endorsement, express or implied, of any product, service, company, opinion or political position. The American Red Cross logo is a registered trademark owned by the American Red Cross. For more information, please visit www.redcross.org.

 ~~~~~~~

The great thing about Vampire Books for Blood month is that it runs the entire month!

If you have a favorite horror book author that you think would enjoy helping the Red Cross, send them a link to this page! The more authors we can reach, the more support we can raise for the American Red Cross!

SUMMER SALE - NOW ONLY $0.99! Wisconsin Vampire **Book Blast**

Scott Burtness enjoys beer, bowling, karaoke, and horror. After not nearly enough consideration, he decided to write about the things he enjoys.

SUMMER SALE - NOW ONLY $0.99! 

"Midwestern nice” is hard to pull off when you’re a bloodthirsty monster. 

Poor Herb isn’t even sure how he got vamped in the first place. With no one to guide him, Herb fumbles into his newfound abilities, courting disaster with each bumbling step. Sure, there are some perks. The local stripper wants him, he can do this whammy mind-control thing, and he is getting a lot better at bowling. But he can’t drink beer, the bodies are piling up, and his best friend Dallas is getting suspicious. When Herb and Dallas go for the same girl, keeping his dark secret becomes the least of Herb's concerns. 

Booze, billiards, bake sales, babes, bowling, bar fights, blood and karaoke. Who would’ve thought that being undead would make life so interesting?

5.0 out of 5 stars Funny! March 12, 2014

By Melissa Angcon

Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

I find this book to be more of a comedy rather than of a vampire! Lots of humor in here. But I love it, it's cleverly written!

5.0 out of 5 stars The best unlikely vampire hero you'll meet! July 16, 2014

By My Book Filled Life

Format:Kindle Edition

Complimentary copy provided in exchange for honest review.

So, the last few years we’ve seen a bumper crop of paranormal stories, most notably with vampires as the main creature of the night. And sure, we’ve been swayed by the smooth talking Jean-Claude and Eric Northman; turned on yet slightly repulsed by Asher; and possibly wondered what the big fuss was about a sparkly vampire (or was that just me?)

Anyway, yeah, those stories were good; sometimes better than good, but they all seem to be somewhat the same: the pale yet ethereal, tall, slim but lean with hair better than a Pantene commercial model whose eyes can peer so deep into you he (or she) can see into your not-yet-anywhere-close-to-being born great-grandchildren’s souls, who, at the beginning of the story is so foul and vile not even Hell wants them, but because of the genuine love of some poor, unsuspecting tasty little meal who they probably thralled along the way ends up the wonderful hero by the end of the book where angels are singing their praises. Sound like a familiar story line?

Let me introduce you to Herb, a somewhat less-than-average cook at “Ronnie’s Famous Truck-stop, Grill, Bait Shop and Gift Emporium” located in some small town in Wisconsin. Herb doesn’t have it going on. At. All. He drives a Pinto and needs three different alarm clocks just to help him get up in the mornings. Through a weird twist of fate (and I mean weird), Herb becomes the newest citizen of the undead society. And oh what a journey it is! True to form, Herb doesn’t experience the transformation of waking up 3 days later looking like a Calvin Klein underwear model. No, his transformation is more Tales from the Crypt than America’s Next Top Model.

Scott Burtness has given us a book with a definitely unique twist on the paranormal vampire story with one of the most untypical protagonist in Herb. Despite the changes in his body, there is still a bit of goodness left in him that he tries to hold onto; which isn’t easy considering his best friend Dallas is becoming more and more suspicious of Herb, not to mention both Herb and Dallas are competing for the attentions of local waitress Lois.

The ending comes as somewhat of a shock, but given the overall unique quality of this story, it does seem to follow the unconventional route of endings. I can’t wait to read the next book in the series and recommend this book to anyone who is looking for a decidedly one-of-a-kind vampire hero.